I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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