dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
