The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
