Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize