well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
