I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
