so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
