No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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