too bad you live with your parents still
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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