They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He passed out mid-signature
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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