im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How does it feel to date your dad?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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