I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
