I am puke
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
