Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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