you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
