perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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