i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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