I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize