everyone is single if you try hard enough
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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