take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
