And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
