Your face is a jimmy john
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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