dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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