Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
