How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
