Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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