So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
