Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
