i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize