party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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