Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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