she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize