you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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