Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
