Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
