DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
