3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize