Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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