She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
