i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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