FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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