Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
