He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize