I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
ttyl tear gas
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
