It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
