piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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