VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
where are my eyebrows?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
