By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
