As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
