My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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