Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
