I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
