3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
