It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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