I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
