If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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