I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
