so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
