I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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