dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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