how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
