i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize