oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
