The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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