By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
