I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
