I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
