I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I stole a fireplace last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We have started to decorate penises.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
