The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
