She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
