Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
