i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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