i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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